Date: 2009-05-11 08:05 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
It is like that for women, isn't it? Those of us who have to work want to stay home and those who can stay home want to work. There are pros and cons to both...I'd love to be able to hang out at home, but I also like having my own $. But I'll tell ya, if Jeff could just earn a little more, I'd rethink that "like having my own $" thing!!!!

Date: 2009-05-11 11:02 pm (UTC)
ext_202578: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
If I had no kids, I'd have a career, or at least a good job, in a heartbeat. We've been DINKs before and enjoyed it. A lot. (DINK = Double Income, No Kids. You and Jeff are DINKs.) I want to contribute meaningfully to "society," and having my own money has definite appeal.

For me it's about the tug between wanting to be independent ("having your own money") and wanting to do right by my kids. Navigating being a good parent and working is something I haven't figured out how to do to my satisfaction. I'm kind of holding on until the younger one is grown up a bit more and they are both get more independent.

Date: 2009-05-11 11:06 pm (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
Very poignant. I only know one guy who stays home to raise kids while his wife pursues a professional career. I respect him because he had the insight to determine that her earning potential was better than his and they made a very mutual decision. He's an awesome person and a truly fine parent. In some ways I envy him, since I don't ever see enough of my kid. BTW: For those who don't know my spouse and I, we are a household who both pursue careers while the kid is at daycare. Yet another decision with regrets, eh? Europe tends to be saner about such things. We have some confidence that our choice will result in more opportunities for the boy when he is older and we are both advanced in our careers. I hope we are right. I just spent this weekend away from home and the lost time is something I always dwell on.

Date: 2009-05-12 12:11 am (UTC)
ext_202578: (Default)
From: [identity profile]
The devaluation of child-rearing is a problem for both dads and moms. It's just more common for moms. Any parenting choice is of necessity a compromise, and I salute anyone who, as a parent, thinks about their choices and doesn't just let default rule. Part-time careers are just not done, and child-rearing is not always considered a reasonable reason for being absent or needing flex time, depending on the employer. I fully admit that not wanting to put my kids in full time care is as much if not more about me than about them.

Date: 2009-05-12 11:50 am (UTC)
From: [identity profile]
No kidding. You are so right. A part-time career does not exist, there are only part-time jobs.
The last three years I have taken most of the time off when the boy is sick since my spouse has been job hopping (not by choice mind you) and had no sick or vacation time to draw on. I am very very lucky that my boss is a family man with three kids who clearly has his family as his number one life priority. (His only bumper sticker says, "I Love My Wife".) She may be a traditional stay at home mom in their family but I am truly fortunate that he understands when I put my family first. Many male bosses are not very understanding of male employees who want to be full partners in the child rearing. They operate in unthinking default and expect the male employee to have a spouse at home.


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